Friday, April 9, 2010
:'(
i always give people my lendings ear. but i really realise. i can't get myself i lending ears. i cant find some one to talk to. when i look really go to some one. the 1st word is like, "hello" and i donno how to make the word come out from my mouth. til now. at this time. i really break down already. my tears is falling. sigh. goodnight.still, I DON'T BELIEVE IT ANYMORE!
love
you running in my mind
i miss you :(
Sunday, April 4, 2010
sigh.
sigh. date is near. i will worry. i really feel that i'll just break down anytime.totally i got no mood for birthday. just hope this year don't have 15april.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
april Fool
Ok. Today went to hospital. same as usual. expected. bad news. well. guess everything is over when may is here.GUY~ MY SURGERY WILL HELD ON 12MAY! TAKE NOTE! I STLL GOT 1 MOMTH TIME !
TO YOU !
seriously, i don't want to received your phone call anymore. so Zhun ar. 2days ago. some one mention your name. ytd a friend also mention bout you. and today you call me. this time of ZHUN please happen on my 4D! thank you.
ok. lastly. thank you mingxian from helping me. seriously. i just don want to get with "this thing" along. thank you Zheng Ming Xian.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
sigh
this is my grand-parent(mother side) and my parent. my grandpa. he just left us last monday.
but he is always be in our heart. he just went to a better place where can watch over all of us.
there's so many thing that i wants to same. last sunday, 28/03/2010. we send him off to a place he need to go. the feeling is so terrible. i remeber the sence. where they need to close the coffin, everyday will line up and walk 3 round to see him the last time. family were about 80 ppls? yes. it is. i'm not lying.
he got 7 children and alot of grandchilren and grandchildren-children. mood is not good at that momment. no one can control their feeling. tears just dropping from everybody eye. look at my relative, which is grandpa son and daug's tear. i really feel heartache alot. when singer sing alot of touching and meaningful songs. who can control the tears anymore?
looking at grandpa. i realise i really have so long so long never hear my grandpa calling my name. i rmb he always say this. Grandpa : gwo wei arh. LE LAI DOI WA LIAO ARH.( you come and visit me) whenever i go his house when i'm so little. really so miss him.
so we got to walk a path of road when moving to a place where grandpa need to go.
from his new house. we walk all the way to his old house which he stay last time. reach the place. everyone shouting. papa/ah gong. here is your old house. that u told us you want to come here for the last time. you hear us? can you see? ok. tears un drop without controlling it. soon. soon. we get up on bus. to a place where coffin is going to burn. this part is really sad TTM. really.
reach the place. everybody mood is so bad. after the "people" having chaim with my grandpa. time is up. coffin need to go. while we walk to another hall. to see the coffin last time. there's a glass. so the coffin slowly push to the place where the fire going to be. when we saw the coffin again. yes. everybody really cried so terrible.
and there a guy. said. All his son and daug. please knee down. tell ur dad, THX for his growing you up, teaching you all the way to being a human(yang yu zhi en). that's really sad ok. coffin is going in. everyone shouting. this really hurt me alot when some one shout. PAPAPA! FASTER WAKE UP. GOT FIRE. YOU FASTER WAKE UP AND RUN! FIRE HERE. PAPA ARH ! this is not funny. but very touching ok. seriously. coffin just gone in. without miracle. it's sad.
sigh. well. i cant really blog/post well.
Friends/loves.
kinship is really the one that never leave you. parent bring you up. always forgive you no matter how bad a think you did. i left only 1 grandma(father side) which stay with me. i cant bear to lose her. yes. i going to treat her extra well from now. as well as my parent.
people. you might not be success in relationship. when i lose ur love. is ok. is not the end of the world yet. u feel sad. u feel it's a end. but. give urself sometime. time will cure ur pain. ur parent is always there. love you, be there for you. that's the parent-love they gave us. so, parent is important. don't always quarrel with them. got extra cash. bring them out to eat. eat with them. don wait til they are gone. then u buy so many food to BAI them. no point seriously. what i want to say is really treasure everyone that is still around you. don't live with regret.
this few days i really time alot. i can just drop tears anytime when i think of i will lose my ah ma. parent or my girl girl(lovely dog) i will sure break down like F. seriously. if it's really happen one day. friends. i need you all at my side. i cant take it.
just wanna tell my kinship and friends.
i love you all alot. must be healthy and treasure whatever you all got now. =)
fuck up!
ok. thing is quite fuck up now. it's already late. but i don't have a slping mood. 1st april, gonna get bad news for sure. 10th april, i want to go and put tatoo for my 21st coming birthday for a gift for myself.goodnight
Monday, March 29, 2010
PCPY ~
1stly, this post is for my BFF-pcpy, priscilla chiang pei yan.thank you helping me this blog to come alive again ! =D
i'm too free at home. so i can update some of my life to same with u all when u guys are busy.
well well well, surgery coming up. received a sms from NUH. ask me to go appointment on 1st april to pick a surgery date.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Damn
actually, i'm prepared to go in. But the camp i going in, they told me everything til i'm not really ready. they asked me to Train more before i go in. Everything few stuff, i always look forward to challenge it, but not this time. seen like i already lost. It's just gave me a feeling. scared? all right. Like what siangchong's mon told him, 万事起头难 this word always conviene me. but, i really feel so loner? it's just like nv give me sense of home. which make me don't want to go in. hais. days are near, everything i'm worrying. can i have a day with 48 hours? all right, tears like gonna drop. overall, i'm all right. 万事起头难
Sunday, May 11, 2008
sentosa =)
